Adolescent Development: The Good, the Bad, the Confusing

Ever wonder what is going on in the head of an adolescent when puberty strikes and they seem to have lost their minds? As a parent, you might feel as though it is a full moon every day. You wonder if you’ve lost the child you once knew forever. This article will help clarify some of the internal processes which contribute to the irrational, moody, and downright strange behavior we see in adolescents. 

Adolescence ushers in a stage of further development of the psyche the end goal being the attainment of the experience of “true reality”. True reality is the reality that adults experience which is a more informed flexible and well-rounded view of ourselves and the world around us. On the way to this fully developed psyche and attainment of “true reality” adolescents first develop what is referred to as a “new morality”. This can entail a loss of innocence and the view of adults as all good and all-knowing. Additionally, during this process adolescents may develop rage and harsh judgment of both adults and authority figures. The way adolescents separate from their parental figures is through a rebellious stage marked with anger and even hatred. The alternative, which is separating from an object that you consciously love and rely on for life, might be too painful. This process is needed in order to solidify an adult self. Concurrently teens become overcome with rage. This is because they come to believe that things should be just. Further, they believe that they should act and be treated like adults and that their intentions should be heard and understood by others, a privilege which they are often not afforded. 

Now that we understand where our teens are coming from we can take a look at why they look so crazy doing it. The reason for this is all wrapped up in development. At this time teens are seeking desperately to get their intentions and opinions heard and understood. At the same time, they have not yet developed the capacity to fully see the perspectives of others. You may notice many adolescents writing in journals or expressing their thoughts through writing. This is a clear illustration of where the teens are at in terms of their development. At this stage, teens lack the capacity to express their thoughts verbally. I know I often utilized a journal, personal blog, or social media page to make known my most thoughtful quotes, beliefs, and statuses. 

Knowledge of teen relationships and their link to adolescent development is also helpful. Potentially more today than in any other period of time adolescents and teens are exploring the idea of homosexual feelings. Adolescents are dwelling on their sexuality often and early today. 

Relationships in adolescence serve a developmental function much different from the function of relationship-seeking in adults. Teens utilize relationships to fill a variety of needs. These include being treated as equals to adults, being heard, and being understood. Friendships are also important in fulfilling the adolescents’ needs of being seen and accepted. Successfully having this need met sets the stage for the adult self to become further solidified. 

Problems arise when teens do not get the acceptance they so desperately need. This can lead to a “paranoid impasse”. With this teens may end up joining groups that are counter-anything (religion, education, politics, American, etc.). Counter-cultures can serve as the means of attaining the community, acceptance, and platform for voicing their opinions. When teens are 

unable to separate from their parents they start to utilize internal defenses such as introjection and projection. Counter-culture groups then often become a substitute for the normal enemy status that the parent would take on. Their views towards the anti-groups can often take on a paranoid quality. Again, this is all in service of the consolidation of the adult identity. 

Another danger in the teenage years is the development of depression. Teenagers may wrestle with their new awareness of the discrepancy between their current real selves and their idealized selves. Teens’ focus often shifts to idealism which can look like “obsessions” to certain celebrities, political parties, etc. They can also exhibit disillusioned idealistic thinking about how the world should function; schools should be run, etc. This discrepancy alone can cause a period of self-hatred, lack of motivation, and hopelessness. Further, when teens are pushed towards perfection by their family and through cultural messages the disparity between that ideal and their reality can also become too much to bear and can lead to depression. Yearnings for idealism can also show up in dangerous and violent ways such as violent protests, self-harm, and other defiant acts. Teens may start to conceptualize concepts like long-term planning, compromising and reasonability needed to view the reality of the discrepancy effectively; however, their grasp is tenuous, to say the least. 

For therapists treating adolescents, it is important to be aware that clients will often try to create and re-create a dynamic in which the therapist is a powerful, persecuting object and the teen is in the position of needing to rail against. These dynamics must be processed and shut down right away to ensure a productive working alliance. Some ways to keep this at bay are by helping the client process their initial suspiciousness towards you as the therapist in an open and honest way and to keep questions objective at the beginning of treatment until an initial alliance is formed. As you move forward with teens keeping an environment of genuineness and openness will help set the stage for an environment where clients can process even pre-oedipal issues which might come up including feelings of shame, humiliation, and anxiety which are so commonly present in teens today.